i feel unattractive to my husband

Practice Gratitude – Cognitive Behavioral Modification. Remember, it takes two to tango, both of you must do something to make both ends meet again. Go to: Relationship Forum. “Seeing your partner in a new context might help rekindle the attraction.”. “Carve out time for intimacy. I realized that I was not going to make any progress by trying to do everything myself. Remember, it takes both hands to clap. The first thing every woman in a sexually unsatisfying marriage should do is realize the issue likely isn't a result of any one thing she did. You can make your spouse fall back in love with you, all over again. Similarly, learn to pardon your spouse and do not make every mistake or shortcoming a big issue. What do I really need to do to make my spouse love me again? If you are in a sexually unsatisfying marriage you may be feeling many conflicting emotions and you may even be considering the possibility of ending the marriage. Generally, it is possible to revive the feelings of attraction in the relationship. Your husband doesn't feel like he has a voice in the family. If you are a woman in a sexually unsatisfying marriage the crux of the problem may be related to tension between you and your husband. Let’s not be patronizing – whilst beauty is partly subjective, there is also … Feeling Unwanted Sexually By Husband: Feeling Unattractive To Husband. If so, be sure to approach it gently and tactfully, not in an accusing or critical way. Life's stresses take over and the relationship may suffer. To learn the killer, advanced strategies to save your marriage, simply click here! I know what you are thinking "no, there are totally hopeless marriages that can't be repaired by any means." I (34F) have been happily married to my husband (41M) for 5 years. It is attractive people of course who find attractive partners and by the same token it is common for attractive people to get the more desirable jobs. Here's how to get them back. Please Register or Login to post new comment. Some people don't understand why the subject of saving a marriage is so popular. Some people feel hesitant to discuss feeling rejected with their partner. This makes me feel disrespected and low. Take time every day to check in with each other without any other distractions,” Hardie-Williams said. You may not always be right and you need to accept your shortcomings with humility. “Be present. Concerned That Your Elderly Loved One Is Being Hurt? “As human beings, we are wired to like and crave novelty,” Moali said. Together we've made a family and help each other's dreams come true - both life goals and careers. You surely didn't get married to end it! My advice to Maggie was to be honest with her husband and let him know this is a problem for her, therefore a weak spot in the marriage. Now listen carefully! There are proven steps that are amazingly powerful that will help you overcome conflicts and breathe life back into your marriage. If you can’t recall the last time you had a date night where you got dressed up and went out to eat, danced at a concert, saw a movie or just did something fun together, it’s no surprise the spark has faded. This is a plan you do not want to pass by. The important thing to consider is what you can do to remedy those issues. “The most common thing I’ve seen in couples who lose the attraction is that they become too comfortable or too stressed, and consequently don’t make the couple part of their relationship important,” Hardie-Williams said. A hug or a kiss on the forehead can feel so much more intimate than sex. Be willing to let go and to take risks. ″[It] makes you feel distant from or angry at your partner and translates to decreased attraction,” said Samantha Rodman, a psychologist in North Bethesda, Maryland. Click here to see the proven steps on how to save your marriage. I am now 44. But unfortunately, this is something of a double edged sword. “We take for granted that just because we were attracted to our partner once, the same attraction will stay forever without effort.”, “Unconsciously, people may become stuck in their specific daily roles — like parent, boss, caregiver, etc. Of course, another way in which a person can make his or her partner feel worthless is to insult or berate him or her. I was once with a man who eventually never wanted to touch me or kiss me or tell me he loved me and we were together for a long time and i tried everything to make it work i finally woke up after feeling ugly and unattractive … Others might have tried discussing their feelings but since the problem has persisted, feel reluctant to do so again. I can’t ever think of a time when someone said, “I … I strongly urge you to read everything on the next page before it's too late and time runs out- Click Here. I feel your pain. There are lots of ways to save a marriage and each person and couple have to find the way that fits their personalities and situation. “I have also seen cases where there was no attraction from the beginning and the relationship began for other reasons such as security, attachment or loneliness,” Chavez said. I (34F) feel unattractive and my husband (41M) of 5 years has low libido. You are at a vulnerable time as you approach 50 , with every intention of remaining an alive, energetic, sexual woman. Sometimes I'm thinking that he is a gay. We asked our experts to reveal their best advice for navigating the issue. Believe in fair play and try to be as unbiased as possible during arguments or conflicts of views, etc. While getting married might be easy, staying married may not always be that simple. If you ever do that, you are only making things worst. Consider that the shift may have little to do with your partner. “People are constantly growing and evolving in a relationship,” Chavez said. No matter if you’re ugly or beautiful, it’s incredibly important to love yourself. Q I feel so unattractive. This becomes even more prevalent when they have children. They are disappointed, hurt, and they even feel lonely, since marriage is not working out the way that they thought it should have. Many women worry that a change in their weight or appearance is the driving force behind their sexless husband's disinterest. Discuss your marriage problems on our forum. Participate in this new healthier lifestyle with him. This is one of the best ways to fix it. “People are constantly growing and evolving in a relationship,” Chavez said. Someone who isn't in the middle of your situation can look at the whole thing at a much wider perspective, see things you cannot see, and think of things you cannot think. I felt it myself so I know how it call feel. My husband just told me he’s not attracted to me anymore. ©2021 BuzzFeed, Inc. All rights reserved. Unfortunately, I don't know of any one way "fit all" way to do it. This is beneficial on so many levels. Perhaps there’s something you don’t like about yourself that you’re transferring onto your partner. A You’re feeling unattractive and rejected and you don’t deserve to be. You think he has let himself go. There are less and more attractive people, but ugly is more of a personality trait than it is a physical one. But it requires a commitment from both partners, honesty and a willingness to work on any underlying issues before it’s too late. In The Spirit Of Honesty. Here's What You Should Do, A Thousand Splendid Suns By Khaled Hosseini – Book Summary: A Story Of Female Friendship And Sacrifice, The Lowland by Jhumpa Lahiri – Book Review: The Intimacy of Political and Personal, Business Tips for Experts, Authors, Coaches, Domestic Violence and Abusive Relationships, Get Updates on Domestic Violence and Abusive Relationships, Here's how to get them addicted to you like when you fell in love for the first time, >> See All Articles On Domestic Violence and Abusive Relationships. You can control the situation and use specific techniques to naturally make them fall hopelessly in love with you. First of all, feeling ugly damages our self esteem leaving us feeling genuinely less happy with ourselves than we probably did before. Or maybe you’re not making the same effort you did earlier in the relationship, which, in turn, affects your partner’s behavior. Remember, prioritizing isn’t as easy for everyone. My favorite thing on earth is a good back scratch. Marriage certainly has its share of blessings and struggles. But to assume you can easily sustain those feelings year after year is wishful thinking. What if your spouse don't love you anymore? Feeling Unwanted Sexually By Husband: Feeling Unattractive To Husband. Even though there is no one way to fix a marriage, If you are truly willing to take an extra mile in order to save your marriage and get things back to normal then read on to learn 4 universal guidelines. Relationship conflicts — whether they’re about money, infidelity, sex, parenting decisions, family drama or unequal division of household responsibilities — can breed resentment if not worked through in a fair, respectful manner. What you should do, and what changed my fortunes; was the realization of this "incapability". Once lost, both are nearly impossible to regain. Do you want to reawaken a committed and loving relationship in your marriage? First, ask yourself a few questions to get clarity on when and why you began feeling less attracted to your partner. But soon I understood that I was on the completely wrong track. Before pointing fingers, think about any role you may have played in the loss of attraction. While I believe Maggie when she says she isn't having an affair, I can't help but worry that's a possibility if the subject isn't addressed. Is it possible to build massive attraction in my spouse? Here's how to get the passion back before it's too late. If there is something that you two have been struggling with, set up a time to talk about it calmly. 1. If you decide to tell your partner about the dip in attraction, do so with sensitivity. Follow the information step by step and you will discover the truth, cut through the lies and pain, stop divorce dead in its tracks, and rebuild the strong, intimate marriage you've always wanted... even if your spouse doesn't want to! : I've been feeling quite unattractive to my partner recently. Remind yourself regularly of all the things … Below, therapists explain why a loss of attraction happens, what to do when it does and how to know if the spark in your relationship can be salvaged or not. He went to work but i cooked cleaned. Yes, your marriage's fate is in YOUR hands and you can fix it by doing the right things - but on the other hand, doing the wrong things might damage it and cause it to end permanently. You may feel your self-esteem has taken a knock recently - and with it, your sense of how desirable you are as a person. For the first few years of marriage i stayed at home raising the children. 4. This was the reason I went begging to him in the first place. I felt similarly when I was with a man with autism - unattractive and undervalued. Most men will tell you that putting on weight does not make their spouse less appealing. 3. They claim that it is the best thing that ever happened to their lives. Open communication is a good place to start. If your marriage is going through some hard times now remember these 4 pieces of advice; don't look for shortcuts to save your marriage, get to the root of your arguments, be bold to change things, and don't only look to perfect your spouse. Dont let this man make you feel unattractive. Don't make any argument to reach the dawn of next day. Frank and free communication is the pillar to a successful marriage and to save your marriage, you should always feel free to communicate with your spouse on any issue, at any time. I am still me, even if my tummy is stretched out and my cheeks are chubbier. When I talk to my husband about these things he feels like he is not doing any wrong and deserves to do these things because he works hard. We can help you find a great loving relationship! Many men just aren't comfortable with confrontation which means they won't broach the subject for fear of it turning into a heated argument. I am still fun, loving, interesting, smart, and I don’t let my weight dim those things (this is key). On the contrary, it makes every one depressed. Look forward to the future positively and place implicit faith in your partner's ability. One of the biggest challenges of insecurity is taking our significant other at his … But he is sweet and caring to me. If your husband is the sole provider and … There is no point in looking back with regret on any situation that has brought pain or trauma in the relationship. Marriage is a vow made to last forever. Feeling you aren’t attractive enough to be with your partner can be a very demoralising and isolating experience. Even setting aside some time to connect at home — by holding hands, cuddling or having deep conversations — can do wonders. You don’t take care of yourselves in the way you used to. There is no other way but to have an honest conversation when something is wrong in a relationship. What happened before you noticed the shift? I (34F) have been happily married to my husband (41M) for 5 years. He can't just cuddle. Access the best success, personal development, health, fitness, business, and financial advice....all for FREE! making time for self-care can be a challenge. We've got 3 kids. “For example, if you used to be more kind and patient with your partner, and you are now more impatient and short with them, this is likely impacting how they act with you,” Rodman said. “Long term, this can change our image in our partner’s eyes and reduce attraction.”. Saving my marriage was a long journey, which I started on the wrong foot and had to put a lot of effort to repair. Make sure that you iron out things in a positive way, as mature and responsible individuals. They share their life's emotions and the day to day battle with someone dear to you. “The feeling of too much familiarity with a partner might negatively impact our attraction towards them.”. I felt unwanted, unattractive and unsecured because of this. o Avoid blaming your spouse for all the misfortunes affecting your life or your marriage. Now I feel worse. Be thoughtful. This is the thing I keep coming back to in my relationship right now. If not, it’s often more difficult to develop those feelings down the road, Chavez said. There is a set of easy to follow psychological tricks which will save your marriage and get you back to that place you once were - in love, committed and excited about the future - within a few days guaranteed. Until I was heavily pregnant we had an amazing sex life and we're blissfully happy. If you’re feeling lonely, hurt, unattractive, inadequate, or undesirable, it’s because you’re choosing to believe a bunch of negative messages about yourself, and feeding those feelings. Because these conversations can be emotionally charged, focus on communicating the changes you’ve observed in the relationship and make it clear that your goal is to reignite that spark, said Shannon Chavez, a psychologist and sex therapist in Los Angeles. “Be present. In the early days of your romantic relationship, you may have felt magnetically drawn to your partner. “Make sure there are date nights.”. Feeling unattractive can happen for a variety of reasons. I (34F) feel unattractive and my husband (41M) of 5 years has low libido. There are plenty of reasons why you may not be attracted to your husband. Jill feels unloved daily underneath the surface of her seemingly fine life. This means that you are taking advantage of the love that exists and this can never save your marriage now or in the long run. Many men are more sensitive than we initially realize. If your husband has gained some weight since the two of you were married, this may be interfering with his desire for sex. Simply put - I couldn't think properly. I can’t believe my husband married me, I have size 9 feet! Their relationship is fun and gives them a great feeling. Taking care of ourselves isn’t just about aesthetics, either: It’s about being healthy, feeling confident, improving our mood and having the energy to go out and enjoy life. Therefore to ensure that your marriage remains on the right track, you have to go on adding value to the relationship. That's harsh. You need to take each step slowly and surely. Be thoughtful. If you think this may be the issue that is causing you to have a sexually unsatisfying marriage, devise a healthier eating plan and an exercise routine for your husband. Marriage certainly has its share of blessings and struggles. This habit of dwelling in the past can never save your marriage. Prioritize couple time, even when you’re busy. In my desperation, I begged my husband for forgiveness - unfortunately this didn't work and made everything worse. If you are from this second unfortunate group, how can you fix your broken marriage? I don't think he's given me one direct compliment since I got pregnant (now nearly 30weeks) and certainly hasn't said anything reinforcing to me for at least a couple months now. If you find yourself less physically attracted to your partner because … We got married last December and got pregnant straight away as planned. When a couple has a lot on their plates (and who doesn’t?) I Feel So Ugly After My Husband Cheated And Had An Affair. Ensure that you aren't accusatory or hurtful. Save your marriage now and visit Save The Marriage. I wouldn't mind him just looking..we all stare a bit at attractive people but he's started smiling a bit inanely and standing there with his mouth open and it's actually making me feel embarrassed. Know each other’s love language and communicate through that.”, “Research shows that relationships often benefit when partners are partaking in a new hobby, visiting new places or introducing novelty in the bedroom,” Moali said. Can you imagine? We lead a generally charmed life. I have chronic pain and fatigue issues and have gained some weight although I was heavy when he married me. An essential daily guide to achieving the good life, ″[It] makes you feel distant from or angry at your partner and translates to decreased attraction,” said, “Carve out time for intimacy. This is the only way you can hope to save your marriage now and in future. One area that many women find issues developing is with intimacy. Gaslighting: What is it & How to spot it? For every married man who does a double-take at the beach or repeatedly glances at the hottie on aisle five, there's a… It’s hard to admit and might often feel like you’re just frustrated all the time with your partner, but when you dig deep and really look at how you’re feeling: It feels like you’re unloved. A loss of attraction is common in long-term relationships. So many times, women suffer a serious blow to their self esteem and to the way they feel about themselves when … “Many may see it as being vain, but we owe it to ourselves and our partners to be at our best, which includes eating healthy, getting rest, exercising and working on our mental attitude,” said Kathy Hardie-Williams, a marriage and family therapist in Portland, Oregon. Following these guidelines you'll be able to get your marriage back on course and have a happy marriage. o Never use the affection your spouse feels for you to blackmail him or her. Like the saying says, "Name it to tame it". packed his lunch, made his tea, let him nap so he could rest straight after work, took care of the bills etc. After you pinpoint them, you can then make suggestions on how to overcome them and not to repeat the same mistake again. When a couple has been together for many years they can begin to settle into a routine of predictability. There is nothing to feel shy or 'small' in front of your spouse, if you want to save your marriage. Learn to love yourself. The effort once put into looking and feeling good has gone by the wayside, which can affect how you feel about yourself, as well as how your partner perceives you. I do feel unworthy when my husband disrespects me and goes to strip joints, comes home drunk, and when I find out he’s been texting co workers. Enlisting the help of a trained therapist may be helpful, given the delicate nature of these conversations. My husband says he loves me so much, that I’m his world but he’s just not attracted to me because of my body. “I often encourage individuals to first decide if disclosing this information can lead to meaningful change,” Moali said. It’s important to talk to someone about these changes so you can make an informed decision about the relationship.”. “Once these needs change or shift, a person may feel no desire or connection for that person.”, “There is a difference between a normal decrease in passionate attraction and a feeling of disgust or complete aversion to your partner.”. Every marriage can be saved if you do the right things. This becomes even more prevalent when they have children. o Keep communication channels open al the time. This feeling will only be heightened if you've made negative comments about his weight gain in the past. Perhaps the biggest mistake you can make in your marriage is to take love and trust for granted. Just as women worry about body image, men do too. I have been with my husband since i was 18 and married him two years later. What I was initially doing wrong was that I was unaware of my mental incapability (that comes from being in the middle of a horrible situation) to really think and come up with what it takes to save a marriage. You may not like to hear it, girlfriend, but no one – not even your husband – can make you feel any certain way. Try and resolve the issue together and once you do, you might notice a sudden shift in the intimate part of your relationship. Nobody I know is "ugly". Major life changes — like death of a loved one, a health issue or layoffs at work — “may bring on feelings of loss and grief that if not dealt with, might get misplaced toward our partners,” Moali said. Make an appointment with a couples counselor sooner rather than later. He may feel self conscious about his body and also his ability to perform. You should avoid this. When I look back I feel like he maybe was never attracted to me. They weave dreams together, pursue ambitions and make dreams to come true. Know each other’s, “Research shows that relationships often benefit when partners are partaking in a, “I often encourage individuals to first decide if disclosing this information can lead to meaningful change,”, ingredients in a healthy long-term relationship, unequal division of household responsibilities, wait until you’re on the brink of a split. — and consequently communicate with their partners with the same demeanor,” Moali said. How To Get Out Of A Bad Marriage With A Child, How To Keep My Husband Interested In Me Sexually, How To Make My Wife Love Me Again After Cheating, I Cheated On My Wife How Can I Save My Marriage, Now you can stop your divorce or lover’s rejection...even if your situation seems hopeless! Stability and security are important ingredients in a healthy long-term relationship, but getting too comfortable with each other can make the partnership feel predictable and stale. On the rare occasion that someone calls you “pretty” you feel like they’re just saying it to be nice or … Inculcate this habit in your spouse too. It will create a new bond between the two of you and as the pounds fall off, he just may rediscover his desire for intimacy. My emotions were overwhelming me to the point that I lost my rationality. Part of HuffPost Relationships. When a couple has been together for many years they can begin to settle into a routine of predictability. If you’ve noticed that your feelings of attraction for your partner have faded, don’t assume the relationship is doomed. If you’ve felt unattracted to your partner for quite a while, in spite of efforts to reignite the spark, there is always the chance the relationship has simply run its course. Try to get to the root of your arguments with the intent to find solutions and not just to blame. Like I said in the title, I have been in your situation and can relate to the things you must be feeling now. So, not doing the wrong things is at least as important as actually doing the right things. Be honest (but gentle) with your spouse. Life's stresses take over and the relationship may suffer. Another important factor: Was there even a mutual attraction between you to begin with? This is the right track of saving your marriage. I don't think this is the right man for you OP. Looking for love and romance can be challenging. My husband tells me I look lovely, but that just makes me want to bite his head off because it’s not true. “We take for granted that just because we were attracted to our partner once, the same attraction will stay forever without effort.”. Not showing your wife affection other than in the bedroom can lead her to feel unattractive and used. Moali recommends starting with the following questions to help determine the source of the problem and point you toward potential solutions: Was it a gradual or sudden loss of attraction? But, today I am here to say that this is not the case. You should quit trying to think of "methods" by yourself and seek outside advice from a source that you trust. However much you may love your spouse, there are bound to be trouble and misunderstandings along the way, which if ignored, may completely ruin the marriage. If you two have been colliding over something important such as parenting techniques or money issues, this can actually have a bearing on what happens in the bedroom. There are specific techniques that will show you exactly what to do and what to say to get your spouse back in your arms- Especially if you are the only one trying... Visit Save The Marriage to find out more. “This then results in them acting less romantic or not caring as much about impressing you.”. So I am asking now if my husband is a gay or … How have you tried to address the problem so far and what was the result? Like many of these women I feel very unattractive to my husband he flirts with other women and makes me feel second he never wants to look at me during sex and our sex life has really went down hill he barely wants to have sex with me but has no problem getting turned on by looking at another women. You may not know it, but you have to continuously work on the relationship, if you want to save your marriage. You don't have to worry about whether your spouse is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. Together we've made a family and help each other's dreams come true - both life goals and careers. Choosing a Tow Truck Service That Meets Your Needs, Brain Injury Effects and Brain Health Tips After Concussions or MTBI and Traumatic Brain Injuries, Dr. I'm getting fed up with my DH staring at other women, usually those in their early 20s. You stop interacting like romantic partners. The issue is most often deeper than that. “Sometimes it happens that they grow apart or what you are attracted to changes over time.